i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
