Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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