You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
