Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
