i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
