You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
