I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
