Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
