Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
