just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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