Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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