11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
