No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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