You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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