everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
