There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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