Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
