my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
