Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
