everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
