my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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