would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
