Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
