Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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