I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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