TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
