how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We just shotgunned beers for America
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
