only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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