dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
