Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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