Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
