I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
