just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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