Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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