these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
