all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
