Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
