don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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