***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
