If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
