sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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