the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
