I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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