M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
