We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
we're so committed to being not committed
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