need another drink. this is the easiest way
Porn is love you can see.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
