just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
