She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A bitchslap is in order.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
