so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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