her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
