just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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